Top Ten George W. Bush Debate Strategies

From the September 27 Late Show with David Letterman

10. Ask the question, "We've never had a horse-faced President    so why start now?"

9.  Instead of witty retorts, have secret service wrestle     Senator Kerry to the ground.

8.  Use Kerry's long-winded answers to take much needed bathroom    breaks.

7.  Hope one of them hurricanes cancels the debate.

6.  Instead of water, fill Kerry's mug with Red Bull and vodka.

5.  Find time to work in joke prop -- giant waffle.

4.  Moving his lips to pretend microphone isn't working.

3.  Handle it same way he handled National Guard duty --     don't show up.

2.  If Kerry makes a good point, distract him with some     chaw spit in the eye.

1.  Point out Senator Kerry's mispronunciation of the word    "nucular."